Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Bucket List and Dreams

This semester is the first semester of my senior year of college. I have already accepted a job offer with a good company and will have a job as soon as I graduate next August. I've got it a lot better than most people and I am so thankful that I am still not job searching. But earlier in the semester (I've gotten better now) I had a major breakdown of my realities and dreams. 

It's not that I'm ungrateful. 

I just....not to go all Belle on Beauty and the Beast on you here, but I just wanted more.

I started thinking about how I had always envisioned my fantastic romantic perfect life, and life kind of kicked me. I don't have my dream job at the FBI. Not that I can't get it, but it's not my job right now. I'll be coming out of college with about 80k in debt, which will take a couple years to pay off, if I live cheaply. Considering apartments are about $1000 a month where I need to live, plus utilities, cell phone, insurance, gas, and my super special expensive diet...things already look pretty dull. That, and I plan on having children before I'm 30 and I still want a career. It's like I'm being torn into all these different directions and I can only have one. I wanted to travel the world! Do things I'd never done! Be crazy and bold and daring! 

And here I am, about to settle into my desk job, spending the majority of my days shaking, almost blacking out, with stomach aches and pain and currently, quite a bit of depression. 

How can you change the world when the world just makes you do what it wants? 

How can I be crazy and irresponsible when I have to be sane and responsible? 

In the middle of my breakdown, I decided that I would make a bucket list. I wanted to see my dreams and think about them, and maybe, just maybe, accomplish them one by one. Some are so small they are silly, and some are pretty big. Here are some I thought of in no particular order. 




Witness a wedding proposal. Wouldn't it be fun and sweet?


I keep saying I'm going to get Lasik...


Write a book. Or several. I'd be content with just one though! About my life, just like Anne of Green Gables did.


I will have a spiral staircase.


Wouldn't this be a relief? To be able to make my own food. Maybe I wouldn't get so sick!


Attend a masquerade in a beautiful gown with a real mask from some place like Pier 1 or Italy, and dance perfectly all night long. Then lose my shoe at midnight.



Have a date under the stars! This looks like a comfy solution. I wonder if they have one for bugs.



Ride in a helicopter. Maybe even get my pilot's license...That's only like...15k



I do, I want to walk the red carpet. In some ridiculous looking dress.


I'd feel just like I was in Harry Potter


Low goals man, I haz them


Ohhh, to dance....



Run in a color run, and have lots of pictures taken


Haha, I want to. Sounds crazy!! 



How can just a metal structure be so romantic and beautiful? 


Why not? I've always been a huge fan of the movie "Pay it Forward" besides the whole horrible ending thing. I want to have a Pay it Forward project....and see magic happen. 


Travel the world, one place at a time.


It looks horribly messy and colorful and I'd probably regret getting so nasty afterwards. But...I want to do it.


Because surprises make life worth it.



What a beautiful dream it must be to attend one of these lantern festivals.


Elementary.


Be published in a magazine


I've always wanted to, for some reason.



Learn spanish. So simple, yet so hard.


Be an extra in a movie. Seriously, how do you get this job? It can't be that difficult.


Normandy, France. So beautiful.


And have a picture taken of kissing. But since my boyfriend doesn't like kissing pictures, I'll probably have to hire someone to get this picture.


Visit a vineyard in California, and the California Redwoods, and all of those places.


Think of all the amazing pictures I could get at one of these places!


Just like all those analogies I make.



And see lots of movie stars and get pictures and autographs. 



I swear, I'll never get someone in one of those booths with me. 


Like your very own vacation house, ready to relax you at any time.


Oh, how I wish I'd never given up my diaries.


Have a secret passageway! and a ladder on my bookcases. My house will be remodeled so much!!


I've been saying I'll get them...

Blanket forts (and pillow places) will never cease to be amazing.


Visit a Lover's Bridge somewhere, attach a lock, and throw the key in the river. This one is in Paris. Just gorgeous.


Make this happen

Dance my heart out, and have perfect form while doing it.


I'm sure I'll have more as I think about it. I also have a list of places I want to visit (some were in the pictures above because they were specific): 

The top of the list: 
Italy
Greece
France
Ireland
New Zealand

Next in line: 
Britain
Germany
Spain

Not as far: 
Hawaii
California
New York, New York again
Nashville, Tennessee
Vegas

------------------

While I am thinking about all of my dreams, my sister has actually accomplished and is working on one of hers. She has just published her first novel in paperback and Kindle edition (and for the next week is having a book giveaway at her webstite). You can check it out here: 

Her site and book giveaway:
www.hollymccaghren.com

Facebook page:  
facebook.com/MindTrace

Amazon: 
http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Trace-Holly-E-McCaghren/dp/1475083920/ref=tmm_pap_title_0


She has worked very hard on it and I can't help but want her to be famous for many many reasons. Among them are: 
1) it's one of her dreams, and everyone deserves having their dreams come true (cue cheesy music, i know, but I mean it. I never realized how important thinking big was before I realized life keeps making me think small.)

2) If I can't write a book now, or start checking off my bucket list, or making my own dreams come true, I want to make hers work. I want to see her happy and successful with this.

So if you happened across this post, please go check it out, like her page, buy her book, enter her contest, or just check it out. You never know how much the little things you do can mean so much to a person.


Peace.
Brittany





Sunday, November 11, 2012

Life: October was a Black Hole

My last post was September? October has vanished into a black hole? What even happened in October? I have no idea...

Ok. I do remember a little. 


---


My best friend Cory's birthday, but we didn't do anything, so I just gave him his present in our computer science lab. YAY HOW EXCITING. 


---


My dad's birthday. I didn't get any pictures. This was my first experience not getting to eat cake at a birthday party. I tried not to be sad. 


---



My nephew's birthday party: 

The party was Pirate themed, so when I showed up in my outfit,
Mom: what are YOU wearing??

Dad: did you go to that adult dance place last night?
Mom: is that a go-go outfit?

Leave it to my parents to make me feel welcome. 


And that wasn't even what I was going to wear the whole day. I brought an extra pirate-y costume to wear, they were saying that to my normal clothing.




 This was my first experience not getting to eat cupcakes or sandwiches at a birthday party. I tried my best to be preoccupied eating carrots and pineapple pieces.

Holly also announced that she is pregnant again! I will be an aunt times 2!

Everyone was like :D



YAY! Now Holly has one of these inside of her: 

But i'm sure it will look like a baby eventually.

---


My friend Steven's birthday party:

Jonathan, Steven, Cory, and I all went to Northgate. I wore a new dress that I bought because it was $5.50 (!!!!!!!) and had a cut-out on the side. I love cut-outs! Unfortunately, only after I got it on and was ready to go, I realized it made me look like Betty Rubble. 


While the guys did all their guy stuff, I tried to entertain myself in various ways, like dancing badly by myself. Which they thought would be great to try and photo-spam me. I was less than pleased. I only continued smiling because my mouth was stuck like that.


---

WHEW, enough with the birthdays!!
Also during the month of October, I confirmed and paid for my very first skiing trip. Let's go over things that I love so much about this: 
1) cold weather
2) by cold weather, i mean anything under 68 degrees
3) oh wait, skiing is in colorado, and their average winter temperature is like....0.
4) skiing. 
5) wait, did I say skiing? wasn't I the only one that face planted several times in my skiing class at school? Didn't I sustain several nasty falls and I'm pretty much the only one left that can't even turn correctly? 
6) Spending money on skiing trips instead of buying camera lenses (this one makes sense, right?)
7) being really bad at skiing while jonathan and elisa are like "LETS GO DOWN BLACKS AND DIE. and Omar is like "I HAVE BALANCE HAHA"
8) possible altitude sickness
9) my ability to faint after any physical exertion at all

ok, all sarcasm aside, I'm really glad i'm going. Really. I'm going with Jonathan, Omar, and Elisa. So I'll get to spend lots of time with Jonathan (January 4-12th, good lord, that's like 8 days...), and I'll get to go out of state again (2nd time!!), and it might possibly snow and I've never really experienced that (I get visions of magic and happiness and me dancing around outside in the falling lovely snowflakes. What it will probably be more like is me huddled in 16 layers of clothing crying about the temperature of my body)

So that will be interesting.

---

Brittany Black Photography got some action in this month: 
BadCat:
An engagement session: 


 Raspa:
 Autocross 3 Fall 2012:


---

On the 20th of October, Jonathan and I were going to go out dancing. Jonathan had asked me to go out dancing and I was really excited about it. We had some disagreements and he ended up asking me, which he DOESN'T like dancing and pretty much REFUSES to dance with me, so I was very surprised and by the end of the week, pretty elated to be going. I got all dressed up and we went to northgate, only to discover that because it was one of the biggest home games of the semester, northgate was not only packed, but there was absolutely no parking and tons of traffic. As we circled around hopelessly, Jonathan finally gave up, "I guess we will have to go another time..."
me: ....ok. 

I tried not to reveal the fact that my throat was slowly swallowing a baseball and there could have possibly been tears in my eyes. If I had spoken more than 2 words in the next 10 minutes, I would have started bawling. I felt absolutely ridiculous for feeling that way, but I felt like a child who was about to be handed the toy of their dreams and just as they went to reach for it, the person snatched it back with an AHAHAHAHA!!! and the child's heart broke in half. 

Before: 

After:

I don't think I've ever pouted so long in my life, lol. 

---

The next week we had the opportunity to go out again, for Halloween this time, so we dressed up, excuse me, I dressed up, and we went out to northgate again: 

I bought this outfit on amazon, partially because i've always wanted to just go for the whole "cop" costume thing, and partially because it was cheaper than the costumes at the store (and amazon has such a wide variety of stuff).

When it arrived, cheaply made and smelling of plastic, I tried it on and was like, "OH WOW." It was a tad more revealing than I expected. The top was slightly revealing, but because the majority of my chest is just bone, it wasn't bad. it was like, "hey look it's my spine, FROM THE FRONT!" 

The bottom of the outfit, however, was a different story. It was....quite short. It was definitely made for someone with a shorter torso, because the stretchy fabric made me want to hunch over. 
I hate returning things, and didn't figure i'd get anything better, so I was like, "Well, i'll buy those thigh high tights things with those strap things to pull the outfit down."

I bought both, and upon trying them on before going out, realized that while the tights fit, the straps were much too long for the high tights. I had no other options and was like, "UGH screw it, I'll be wearing this for what, 2 hours at most? it's just one night. I don't even care anymore."

After going to northgate and walking a bit, I regretted wearing an outfit for the first time in my life. That sucker rode up like none other. It was virtually impossible to keep it down. Jonathan laughed and said he would walk behind me to cover me, while I tried to nonchalantly not care and repeatedly said in my head, "it's just like 2 hours. It's dark outside, no one cares, i'm outside of a bunch of bars, it doesn't matter, it's just like 2 hours..."

After saying hello to Omar and some friends in a bar, we went to Daisy Dukes where Jonathan immediately assumed his most frowny face possible (Dancing with Brittany :((  ).
Once inside, I tried to focus on spending time with him and teaching him how to dance and pretty much forgot how my costume must be looking. That is, until we took a water break and a girl passed me and said loudly, 
"Girl, that A** is OUT OF CONTROLL!!"

I almost snorted my water out of my nose I laughed so unexpectedly and hard, while jonathan laughed with me. 

We finished our water and were slightly dancing together, not really, but just kind of swaying while we chatted with each other about something and I felt a hand on my butt - at first I thought Jonathan was messing with me because of the jokes all night, and I kind of turned my head like a dog would and half glared at him like, "...what?" Since this was very uncharacteristic behavior of him, but he looked back at me like normal, and the hand stayed there. 

My mind continued, "well if it was someone else he surely would notice, we were kind of in the middle of an isolated area, so it must be him," 
after a few more seconds of staring at him questioningly until he was like, "What??" I turned to move "his" hand and found a girl grabbing my butt, 
girl: i wondered when you'd turn around!!!
meanwhile, my face displayed the horror I felt, 
me: I THOUGHT IT WAS HIS HAND AND I WAS ABOUT TO SAY - 
girl: haha, he must have small hands!! 
*she leaves and I'm in horror, awe struck at how I was just violated*
Jonathan: What just happened?
me: SHE JUST GRABBED MY BUTT, I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU AND I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THAT YOU WERE BEING REALLY REALLY BOLD
Jonathan: LOLLLL
me, taking off toward the exit: I WANT TO GO NOW, I'M NEVER WEARING THIS AGAIN, I FEEL SO VIOLATED, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED
Meanwhile Jonathan is laughing so hard and following me, "Oh Brittany..."

So yeah. Guess that's my wild college story to tell. 

---
Also, I discovered "Wink Frozen Desserts" which is an allergen free ice cream online only store, and I bought lots of ice cream to try. 
A few days later, an unexpected superstorm hurricane Sandy hit the east coast and the ice cream factory was hit, leaving me with a refund for my ice cream. 
Typical. 

---
I had an idea for making life easier for those who have to date gingers. Melissa and I were chatting via text, 

me: I think it's in the How to Date a Ginger: 101 book that I bought. Chapter 1: Keep Your Friends Close, and Your Soul Closer

Melissa: XD oh my gosh!

me: Chapter 2: Invest in Sunglasses Stock

Melissa: oh my god! I love you! XD

me: Chapter 3: Study the film, "The Grinch," Green Haired People Behave Similarly to Gingers

Melissa quoted this on facebook, so i continued: 
me: Chapter 4: Never Trust a Ginger, They Will Just Quote What You Say on Facebook

Then Jonathan was all like, What is this?!
and I was like, 

me: Chapter 5: The Weakness of a Ginger Begins with Brunette Computer Engineers


---

Last weekend, the weekend of November 4th, I really wanted to go out and stop studying and doing homework for once. Jonathan had to go back to Clear Lake, and all of my normal friend resources were either out of town or busy or doing something else, so i was like, "WHO NEEDS FRIENDS? IF I WANT TO GO OUT, I'M GOING TO GO OUT!!!"
So I dressed up, had a mini photoshoot of course, and went to northgate to go dancing. I'M NOT DEPENDENT ON A MAN. I DO WHAT I WANT.


It was the first time I had been to northgate alone. Probably not the wisest decision ever, but I'd say it's a relatively safe place. There are cops all over and lots of aggies and I'm so freaking ticked off at life all the time, I'd really like to see someone try something to me. I'LL FREAKING KICK YOU IN THE FACE WITH MY 6 INCH HEELS. MY LIFE IS TOO STRESSFUL FOR YOU TO CHALLENGE ME. I HAVE SO MUCH PENT UP ANGER I COULD PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY UNTIL YOU GAVE UP AND RAN AWAY SQUEALING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. 

Ok. anyway, you get the point. 
So I was planning on having a fantastic night of not caring about anything and dancing the night away. It didn't exactly go as planned, I ended up just getting some ridiculous stories and opinions from it all. 

First of all, I went in and since there was literally one couple one the dance floor grinding, I decided to go and sit down until the dance floor picked up a bit. Unfortunately for me, I sat a few feet away from a guy that had too much to drink. He seemed jolly enough, just annoying. He came over and told me how he was going to Blinn for something and I was like "that's cool" and made some jokes because I was in a joking mood which he thought they were all HILARIOUS and laughed hard at, and then he was like, "hahahhaa, I'm actually lying, I'm a 27 year old bum! I don't even go to Blinn!! Is that ok??"

me: are you kidding me right now?
guy: nope haha! 
me: You probably shouldn't start out your conversation with lies
guy: but now the worst is over right? 
me: I don't believe in second chances, and you've just used up one. 

and I left and went across the room and ended up chilling in the opposite corner leaning against the wall a few feet from some guy. I figured it was only a few minutes until he talked to me. I was correct. He edged a little closer and asked if I was there alone, which I'd already worked out that I would say I was with some friends who went to another bar and would be back to meet me. 

guy: oh, well what about your boyfriend? Where is he? 
me: out of town, *I smiled apologetically.*
guy: oh ok. Well I can't believe your friends would leave someone like you. I mean, that they would leave someone as pretty as you
me: i can take care of myself
guy: yeah but they left you!
me: I don't see it as them leaving me, I see it as me going my own way.

He smiled and we continued to chat. He was there with some friends, but he didn't really like dancing unless it was to country music. He preferred going to Harry's. He was going to Blinn for fire science, was ex navy, and was currently a firefighter in Bryan. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and I was glad I met him. 

A guy came walking towards us pretty fast and veered around a group that the guy i was talking to happened to be behind. He looked at the guy i was talking to and abruptly turned away, 
me: was that your friend?
guy: haha, no, I think he was coming to talk to you and once he saw me decided against it
and I started laughing because it was true. 

After a while, he said he was going to go find his friends and asked if I would be ok if he left me,
me: oh yeah! I'm fine!
guy: are you sure?
me: yes. 
he smiled and left. 
he ended up being the highlight of my night, I love meeting actual kind, decent people. Plus it's fun to have random conversations with strangers sometimes. 

I moved on and sat down and another guy came up to talk to me. He was tall, thin, and looked like a loser that hit on any girl still enough. He asked me to dance and I said yes since it was line dancing. We line danced and then danced twice to country, but only because I couldn't get away from him and he wasn't awful. I wasn't very happy about the situation and I saw ex-navy guy while I was dancing and he smiled at me while I looked half-miserably back. 

I ran from that guy after the song ended and as a middle eastern guy asked me to dance, I passed ex-navy guy and he said grinning, "so you do dance!!" 
me: apparently!

and I danced with middle eastern guy. Then I ditched him and a black guy like 4 foot tall asked me to dance. I try to be completely unbiased in dancing situations, basically if the guy isn't rude and is appropriate, i'll dance with him no matter what he looks like or how bad of a dancer he is. I figure everyone deserves a chance. And hell, I'm judged for how I look 99% of the time, so I figure the least i can do is defy that norm and not judge other people for it. 

so I danced with the guy, and I was grinning most the time. He was a pretty bad dancer, but he was polite, and like 4 foot tall, and looked like he was 12. And he asked me to dance. That takes some confidence, and I respected that. My hand barely fit on his little shoulder, lol. 

Then I went to a spot against the wall like normal and some guy came up and was like,
"You look lonely"
(I cannot express my loathing of this pick up line)
me: I'm not.
guy: well youre all here against the wall with your arms crossed
me: my arms aren't crossed
guy: yeah but you  have one behind your back
me: that's because I don't want to snag my dress on this wall
guy: well i wouldn't want to snag it either, that's a really nice dress
me: yeah
guy: like a really nice dress

and I smiled and darted across the dance floor. I can't help but enjoy trolling guys pickup lines because I don't like them. 
Middle eastern guy returned and was like, "Hey, do you want some company?" and I was like "oh no, that's fine" *dart away*
Then I was chilling against a wall and he came back and was like, "I'll just stand by you so no other guys bother you" 
me: no, that's fine! (uh, you're bothering me)

so after a while of him standing by me and not leaving, I told him my friends had come and I went across the dance floor to another station by a wall. There, I was approached by a young looking version of a guy I worked with over the summer. In the dim light, I thought I was staring at him at first, 

guy: Hey, do I know you? 

Me: OMG! *no way that's him, geez, is it a younger brother? no, he didn't have one...did he?* You look JUST like someone I worked with over the summer!!!

guy, taken aback: oh, no, i - i just said that, I don't actually know you

me: no, but you really do look just like him, like a younger brother or something

guy, clearly with a wounded pride face: younger brother?

and then his two older friends, clearly watching him and laughing, one ducked around him randomly and introduced himself for no apparent reason, and I shook his hand and then a line dance came on and I was like FINALLY SOMETHING TO DANCE TO WITHOUT DEPENDENCE, so I was like, "i gotta dance to this!!" and ran away and did the wobble like a boss. 

The kid approached me later, looking sad and apologized for talking to me and left and I caught him and told him I wasn't blowing him off, I had just wanted to dance. I felt the need to explain because the kid looked like he had watched 10 puppies be murdered in front of him. He paused to my explanation and said he had just wanted to dance is all, and then practically broke down in front of me and went off wildly to no one in particular about how he was trying to talk to me and his stupid friend interrupted us and he had just wanted to come out and dance all night but every girl he talked to thought he had more in mind and he just wanted to dance and that was it. 

I sympathized, since all I had wanted to do was come out and dance, but it was difficult since I could only dance to country with guys since that was a safe zone, and then I had to constantly avoid guys that I didn't want to dance with, so I was like, "Well, let's dance then!!"

The kid stopped mid rant and stared at me, 
"Dance?"
("English? I suddenly don't understand it.")
I could see the feeble hope in his little pathetic eyes, and then they were consumed by fear
"I - I - I don't really know how to dance, I mean I can grind if you want to grind if there is kind of a beat - " 
me: I don't grind. Can you just dance?
guy: uh, uh well I can kind of just do like this *does some silly dance moves* or like this *another silly dance move while I'm laughing*
me: well let's go do that! I can do the sprinkler!!
guy: I - uh- no thanks, i mean, that's really nice, you're really nice, but I'm just going to go home now, I'm just going to go home

The guy was seriously having like a mental breakdown. 
Some girl came up and asked if we wanted shots and I said no and after he talked to her a while he said he wasn't 21 and she said she had assumed he was because she saw my 21 year old bracelet, and she left. 

me: what year are you? 
guy: uh, junior
me: are you lying to me? 
guy: no! i'm not
I stared at him. 
guy: ok! I'm a freshman!
me: you really shouldn't lie
guy: I told you the truth! I can't help but tell the truth. I think I'm just going to go home now *starts blubbering*
I put my hand against his shoulder and he shut up immediately and stared at me,
me: shhhh. listen. Calm down, ok? Calm down. Have a good night. 

and I left the poor kid. Man, I think he needs medicine lol. 

That concluded my night alone at northgate, which will probably never happen again. Oh well, always good to try something once, right?

-----

Last week on November 8th, I got to go to something called, the Gluten Free Showdown. It was the first gluten free event I've gone to. It was where a bunch of people, from professionals all the way to kids, entered gluten free foods in a contest and you could go and eat samples and the food was judged and people were given prizes. It was in downtown Bryan. I went, and I cannot be happier that I did. I haven't had so many good things to eat in months. 


This picture was AFTER I'd already consumed one plate, as well. OMG SO MANY THINGS TO EAT. MM, it was so good. I ended up getting sick afterwards from something, but it wasn't a terrible sickness. Just lasted about 6 hours. It was worth it though, to be able to try so many things. 

---

Last Saturday, November 10th, Jonathan and I got couples pictures done for our year and a half anniversary (which will be November 26th but that's a Monday). We got them done at campus because I wanted some A&M pics before we graduated. I wasn't that impressed with the photographer or the pics, but I loved my outfit, so you know, it's give and take. 


 I just don't think the photographer appreciated my enthusiasm.



This is so hard to do. and I never have any idea where to put my leg in the air. "Here? Is here ok? I'll just leave the thing floating in midair like some kind of freaky Olympian figure skater, is that cool?"


awww


That's about it for now. THANK GOD, THIS WAS THE LONGEST POST EVER. I'VE BEEN SO BUSY. 

Oh, and I edited my sister's book. COMING SOON TO STORES NEAR YOU.

Cheers.