I woke up very sick this morning, so sick, that I'm skipping school today for the first time in years. Normally I can suck it up and go, but today was a rough day so far. I'm currently laying in bed trying to make myself feel better by hoping I'll feel better. We control a lot of stuff with just our brain, right? If I decide to be happy, I'll be happy, right?
It's one of those days where I get tired of being me. It's strange possibly having Ulcerative Proctitis or Crohns Disease or Celiac Disease or 1000 food allergies (it's up in the air, no one really knows what is wrong with me for sure. It's at least one or more than one of those), and being sick every single day. Why? Because you get tired of being sick every. single. day. I've been less sick since I've been on this allergen free diet, but it's only been three weeks, so I still get sick.
It's not like a cold or something, where you can be miserable for a week and complain and it's normal. I can't complain everyday...because I've already complained 364 days this year. And yet, I'm still kind of doing it anyway (and with that, I'd like to say thank you to my boyfriend for never getting sick of hearing that I am sick. I'm sorry.)
It's not like I have a horrible disease, I mean things could be A LOT worse. But it's hard to be completely sick feeling and nauseous and unable to move because of the pain and remember these things. I realize so many people handle things better than I am, and I keep telling myself I'll become better at this. I'm a work in progress.
And it's difficult when I'm not doing well at school, but I don't want to tell anyone why, and yet, I almost feel obligated just so they understand why I am not working as efficiently as I should be working, because I'm distracted by pain. But I feel awkward mentioning that something is wrong with me, or I am sickly. It makes me feel like someone stamped me with "damaged goods."
For a long time, I tried to pretend like everything was ok, and I didn't need to go to the doctor or do anything different. It must just be a sensitive stomach right? But this isn't normal, and I couldn't just ignore it. Denial is interesting when it's not someone else going through it.
Everything happens for a reason, right?
peace.
(and if you don't die if you hear country music:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2156161706585783232 )
and here is something I've had stuck in my head:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRReNdrGXMo
And thanks to my sister for the soup today:
No comments:
Post a Comment